Rent is Amazing!!!

Yesterday was fun. I hung out at Robby's house for about an hour before I had to leave again because of Sotiri. Diane dropped me off at Rachel's house after she came to pick up India. So I called Rachel to see if she was good to hang out, of course she'd just woken up though. I felt bad for waking her, but she seemed okay with it and told me she had some errands to do before we could hang so I walked to the book store and read some manga and what not. Hehe, I'm such a dork. Anyway, I mingled there and eventually went to the library and chilled out on the parking garage rooftop for a good long while. It was refreshing and I brushed up on my singing voice out of boredom, haha! Best part of all was the phone calls I got throughout the day from Robby. It was so cute! He'd call just to say "I love you" and we'd talk for a little bit until he'd have to walk inside the store or go up to the next person's house to make a delivery. I'd get calls from Rachel too, letting me know when she might be able to hang out as she slowly got things done.

Finally, around 4:30pm we met up at the gazebo and headed to the mall where we ate at Panda Express in the food court. We headed to RiteAid and she bought a camera and then we went to Power Gamer to bug Loki. It was fun. We hung out, ran into some guy that I forget his name and talked a lot. Haha, we got candy and stuff too. Rachel is so like my mom it's not even funny, but I love her. I swear I'm going to find myself in the habit of calling her Mom all the time before long, whee!

Anyway, we chilled outside the mall entrance for a while, the big one on the second floor, before Robby showed up once he got off work at around 6 or 6:30pm. He hung out for a few minutes and then the two of us left. We'd made plans earlier to possibly see a movie or something.

So we headed to his house, grabbed what we needed from there and then went to White Marsh since Loews is a nicer theater than the Commons. All the movies had just started showing or were going to in an hour or more though so we picked Rent which didn't show for almost two hours and decided to kill time with a bite to eat. Robby and I went to the Taco Bell near Brea's that she'd had us meet her at one time. It's a cool Taco Bell too, different from the others. It actually looks like a nifty little restauraunt. It's awesome!!! ^_^

Anywho, after we ate and had a nice long conversation about several different subjects, we headed back to the theater and watched Rent, which by the way is the BEST MOVIE EVER!!! It's definitely my all time favorite now and I highly doubt any movie will ever top it. It's a musical, which is awesome in itself and it's amazing. The way they set it up, it couldn't be done any other way without ruining the movie, I swear! The characters were believable, the actors amazing and the music, the singing and dancing, it was to die for! Angel is my favorite character by far! I love her! Well... him, but he's a woman at heart! Yes, a crossdresser, you freaks! But she was wonderful, an amazingly strong person who kicked ass at making a beat with her drumsticks! Her voice was amazing too. Ah, just a great character period! Mimi is my second favorite. Ah, the movie was so cool! It was full of so many emotions and it was so sad too. It actually got me to cry, twice!!! I loved it!

But yeah, yesterday was definitely one of the best days I've had in a while. Being with Robby is amazing. I wish I could come up with a better word to describe it, but no word exists in the Human vocabulary. The emotions I feel when I'm around him are like none I've ever felt before. I forgot that such things could exist. I forgot how much I loved him before and realize how much I love him now. I always have and I always will. I never stopped loving him and I never will. This is meant, I believe it. Too many things have happened to be mere coincidence. Hell, the last two years is proof enough with all the times we shared, few as they might've been, but only because to be around each other was viewed as a bad thing by everyone else. Jack hated me being near him, even if we were still friends, but I suppose he had good reason, look what happened after all.

This kind of happiness though... I didn't know it was possible. Sure, I was happy with Jack... at one point, but it didn't last and it was never like this. I've only even begun to realize that what I had with Jack wasn't even real anyway. He and Ms. Katie never really did care about me. I mean... they did, but they didn't. They've done a lot for me, but as soon as it was convenient for them... none of what I'd done for them mattered. I busted my ass for that family to feed them when Ms. Katie couldn't afford to buy food. I did my best to take care of everyone and be there for everyone, to keep the house clean or to attempt to keep Jack in line about getting a job and not doing so much drugs, at least just long enough to get a fucking job... but it just didn't matter. No matter what I did, it didn't matter. I forfeited my trip to DC for that poetry convention for them... I mean fuck... That could've been a great opportunity for me to get my poetry recognized or something, to become a better poet... But I didn't go. I used the money to buy food, to treat Jack on occassion and to buy everyone those poetry books that they wanted and I thought would appreciate. It doesn't make sense to me... how people can be so two-faced... Oh well though. It's in the past now and I no longer have to deal with that anymore... the craziness of that household or my wallet forever emptying into that house for naught... I still wish I could do more for Justin though. I feel as if the whole situation has made things harder for him almost. Ms. Katie seemed even more angry than usual and Jack is unstable... I'm worried about him and Page... but what can I do? I can't go there. It'd make things worse and I can't talk to Justin either... I'm not allowed to call the house anymore... I hope he understands that I care for him though. He is like a brother to me... always has been.

Ah well... no sense in dwelling too much on it. I can't do anything about that situation right now anyway. In a couple months, once we can move out, I'm going back to get Page. Jack might fight me on it, but god damnit... he's my baby! I raised him, he grew up with me! Page is my family... my life... He means the world to me and there's no way I'm letting Jack take him away from me! He wasn't with Page for the last almost nine years of his life, I was and Page was with me. We've never been separated so long before and it'll never happen again once I can have him back in my arms again... Damnit... I miss Page and I hate Jack for trying to tell me I can't have him back! He can't even take care of himself, how does he expect to care for Page? He hardly did a good job when I was around! I'd take him now if I could... but circumastances just won't allow that to happen... Wait for me, Page... Please be okay...

People must think I'm crazy that a cat should be so important... but no one understands that he's the only one that's been there for me through everything... through all the things that have been bad and good. Even if he couldn't formulate words... I felt it in my heart, his encouragement. I mean... hell... when I used to cut, he would bite my shoulder to make me stop... and I mean bite HARD too. He really was like a person... Page used to cry whenever I wasn't home. I could hear him when Dad made me lock him in my room because of Klaudia. It always broke my heart. Somehow, we have a connection and I know he's upset now. I hope he doesn't think I've abandoned him. I hope he can understand the situation in the sense that I can't take him now, but that I will come back for him.

I miss him. Page used to walk up to me when I laid on my bed and he'd lay beside me. He'd purr loudly for me, especially when I was sad. He'd nuzzle my face and would let me hold him close. It was like he was talking to me without a voice. He was always there... Even when I got on the computer, he'd hop up and just lay on my lap, usually for the entire time or half an hour at least. Sometimes we'd just lay on my bed and he'd rest on my chest while I listened to music or something. Sometimes I would just talk to him and he'd listen. He'd actually look at me and sometimes he'd even meow in response to a question. I don't know what it is, but he's not like other cats. He's more human in a way. He even sits like one. Page is unique... I'll never find another cat like him. I doubt I'll ever bond to another cat or the cat to me as we have. Page and I grew up together... We were always together... and now that we're not... it's hard... it's so hard... I'll never forgive Jack if anything happens to him... I'll never forgive him if he even tries to come between us. I will go back for Page... Just a little longer... that's all...